There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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