Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize