I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
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Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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