2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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