chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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