you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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