and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize