I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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