if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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