just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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