Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You can't motorboat a personality
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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