Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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