that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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