I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
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Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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