There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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