Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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