Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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