Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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