dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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