I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize