I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
third nipple confirmed
Drunk is not a location!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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