cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
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The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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