Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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