I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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