he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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