i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize