If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize