i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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