I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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