you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
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You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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