I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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