I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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