Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize