What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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