Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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