No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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