By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
even my farts smell like vagina
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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