Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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