i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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