Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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