Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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