No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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