Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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