Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize