yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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