Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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