I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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