I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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