Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize