I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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